ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
did you just send me my own nude
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
