sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
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I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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