This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
