this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
