There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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