just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
