like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
we're so committed to being not committed
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
