next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
