Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
