so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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