Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
