I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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