dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
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My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
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You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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