Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I bet he comes in French.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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