hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
