Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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