i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
