Plan B is the new Plan A
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
should my penis look like a turkey
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
