u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
