i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
