They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I don't deserve a penis
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
