Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
