Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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