dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
