Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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