Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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