Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
