Your mouth is God's brothel.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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