Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
