The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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