it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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