I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
