I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
