My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
