Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
not ubering you a puppy
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
