This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
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I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
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I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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