If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left your underwear on the fireplace
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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