you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Barsexuality is the new black.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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