I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
