is your mom at the bar?
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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