11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
