what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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