I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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