I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize