Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Randomize
