what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
