I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
