A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
