we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
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Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
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Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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