have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You're like the curious george of whores
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
