We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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