We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
