there was a trapeze. enough said
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
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