My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
