genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
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And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
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We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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