so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
