he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
