Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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