so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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