have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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