That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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