She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
and you fell through a lawn chair
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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