i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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