somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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